i really cannot be bothered to make this post look good, or hell, be properly punctuated or even have things incorrectly spelled. i just need to get this feeling out, in words, somewhere. i hate this feeling. empty. lost. i don’t feel like studying, or doing anything for the matter. i just want to run, or climb, or just disappear just poof. i feel like everyone i look at now, looks right through me. i feel insignificant. how can one girl have this much of an effect on me?
i was supposed to be awesome. that was the plan.
things have been going wrong recently. very wrong. i fucked my mid-year examinations up. i fucked pumpfest up, along with pulling a couple of muscles in my groin. i lost the girl i love(and yes, i dare say i love her. and i don’t care that it makes me look like a soppy love sick wuss. i love her. it’s true, it took me a while to come to terms with the fact that i am capable of love). my family is as fucked up as fucked up can possibly get(i don’t want to get into details, the whole web may be insufficient to contain the fucked-up-ness of my family).
so what am i now?
where am i?
and what am i left with?
well, i figured i’m lost, i’m stuck.
i’m supposed to be in the best years of my life, and i can’t bear to live another lonely day.
and i’m left with an injured leg( literally crippling me from climbing or running), a house( take note, a house doesn’t make a home), and a phucking void in the middle of my chest. i’ve lost purpose and direction. i feel like enlisting, and forgetting the rest. just keep myself physically busied.
ah well, i can’t be bothered to rant anymore. i’m gonna play guitar, and make up lyrics that don’t rhyme, just to get the frustration out.
this feeling sucks.
this world sucks.
life sucks.
